Food for thought
Memories are such a funny thing. They can be sparked by a certain smell, a song and even a noise. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the memory to a specific time or place, all we have is a piece of our history that exists in our hearts, our minds and our spirits.
As I sit here I find myself thankful. Im thankful for my past memories and the memories im making right now writing this. I know it might seem silly but every memory seems to trigger more memories. The memory of writing this will hopefully always trigger the memory of why I wanted to share these thoughts with you. I first want to say how important it is to remember that not all memories are in the past, some are being created as you read this and some memories have yet to be created and are still in the making.
So important to not forget
It's the holiday season, my favorite time of the year. So many smiles, so many hugs, so much time, this happened year after year. And then everything stopped all at once. No more family dinners, no more family Thanksgivings, no more drawing names for Christmas and stressing over how we can't afford it. All of the festivals didn't seem the same anymore, there wasn't a mob of people to meet me and walk through the crowds with. The season seems so slow, so empty, quite honestly I began to dislike the holiday season.
It hit me, I still have my memories. Their smiles still exist, their hugs still warm my heart and most of them are only a message or a phone call away. Because of my beautiful memories in the past, I can cherish the memories I am making today and the memories I get to make tomorrow. These memories helped build the foundation for future memories. These past memories help me understand and remember how important it is to make new ones. Every smile, every tear, every hug, every time we stress about something so trivial, these are memories that carry us to make more.
To the people who are a part of my past memories thank you for the warmth in my heart and the smiles that brighten my days. To the people who are a part of my memories being made and the memories to come, thank you for the light to walk toward and the excitement of tomorrow.
Best of memories to you all and may you find the beauty in making a million more.
Just some thoughts that I have been pondering over for a while. Warning this post may be a bit politically incorrect. Please don’t find the following offensive because I, in no way mean to offend anyone.
I am having such a hard time understanding the phrase “I can’t change the way I am”. First of all, the way you are isn’t who you are. Our ancestors fought for so many human rights, for freedoms that we take so lightly today. “We” still are fighting for so many rights and freedoms and yet the one freedom we have always had is the right to choose who we are, and we deny it?
Every day we wake up and make the choice to be who we are and do what we do. I choose to be a mom, I choose to be a wife, I choose to be blonde, I choose to be me. If at any time a wanted to be something else or believe something different then I get to change. When I was born, my family didn’t have much money, we could have been considered poor. Does this mean that because I was born this way then I can’t change? I do not and will not choose to be poor. I might someday choose to be a beach loving woman who loves the waves, sleeps in some box and eats peoples’ leftovers, but if I am happy then that is not what I am destined to be. I will CHOOSE to live that sort of life. If I feel that something isn’t right with me or the way that I was born or taught, then I will choose to change it.
Why am I hearing so often that people are born a certain way so they can’t change how they were born? Do you want to change it? Are you being forced to stay a specific way? This is now affecting our youth. They feel guilty wanting to be who they feel they need to be because “we” are constantly either defending our choices or telling the world that “we” can’t change who we are.
WAKE UP WORLD! Every day is a choice! Everything you do is a choice! YOU get to choose your beliefs! YOU get to choose change or YOU get to choose to stay the same. You get to choose if you are going to be proud of your choices. You get to choose if you are going to make excuses, or blame “the way you are” or “the way you were born” on fate/God.
BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND STOP BLAMING THE FACT THAT YOU CAN’T CHANGE!
I know this might sound absolutely crazy but I was honestly lost in the darkest spot hidden in the deepest depth of my mind, heart and soul. Who I was had been covered up by all of the opinions, thoughts, words and emotions that had been shared with me about who people told me I was. Inadvertently this is no fault of anyones really, just a way of my mind dealing with what was pressured upon me. I didnt even know that I was a hidden. I seemed to always be searching for something to help me feel happy, not the kind of happy that makes you smile or laugh, but the kind of happy that soothes your soul and fills you with so much pleasure that it can give you goose bump just thinking about. This was the beginning of my journey to stop “Being a stranger in my own skin'. I needed to introduce myself to this stranger whom I had never met yet I was completely connected with.
Body image- I wasnt even sure where to begin looking for this stranger, so I first started with my body, She must be hidden under all of this FAT, I told myself. If I can just loose this weight then I can find myself, nope thats not it at all. Who knew, fat doesnt make a person who they are. I struggled with this one for years. I became so embarrassed by my fat that I thought I was hidding myself with, I began to fear leaving my home. I avoided seeing people and became even more depressed and more hiden, all while not even realizing what I was doing. On a good note, I knew that I was great at something so I started using that to cover up how I was feeling. I am a great Mom, not a perfect Mom, but I am great at loving my children and loving other peoples children. THIS WAS IT, I thought to myself. I must have found who I am. I am good at serving others full heartly and without expecting anything in return.
Parenting- There is such a funny thing about parenting. It becomes a domino effect without even trying. Because my kiddos are kind, loving, giving, hard working and great self-confident individuals, people began to start asking me parenting question and revered me as an “Expert parent” or “Perfect parent”, now of coarse I am not perfect in any way and an expert was stretching my expertise. I was so “Happy” to be “needed”(as if being a parent you arent already needed). This went on and still continues but I still didnt feel the kind of happy I was looking for and I still felt like I was hiding under those labels.
The move- Well as years went on my family and I were forced to moved due to the economy and career changes for my hubby. We knew people in this small little town but most of them were very offish and we had lost our connection years before. This left me with nobody but myself to judge me or expect anything from me. I was scared, depressed, and angry at life, at god, at the ecomony, and at my hubby. I didnt know how to react. How am I supposed to rely on a complete stranger (Me). Well I did the only thing a “good” parent would do. I was happy for my kiddos, I started to make a life for myself based on being “happy” for my kiddos (this is not true happiness btw). I didnt care if it was a cover, It was what I “had” to do.
Belly Dancing- Let me back up a bit, My 3 girls and I had been apart of a belly dancing troupe for years. My girls performed but I was to ashamed of myself to let anyone but a few unjudging, lovely ladies see me dance. We loved the dance, the culture, the community and missed it greatly.
Ok now back to my journey. My girls had begged and begged for us to start dancing again and to start our own troupe here in our new little town. I agreed to start dancing with them and choreographed their dance for a local Talent show. I started to notice hesitation in my girls and they stared to talk about how they were embarrassed and felt they weren't good enough. OH NO!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE? I did it, the parenting no no. I had taught them, by example, how to dislike themselves.
Enough is Enough- I had enough, I had let my “lost self” effect my kiddos and I wasn't going to let this continue. I know longer was looking for an excuse to be happy, I was going to do this for me. I wanted to be an example and I wanted my kiddos to ALWAYS know who they are from the inside out. I wanted them to know themselves so well that when they asked a question of themselves, their body, mind and spirit would answer with wisdom and poise. I wasn't going to raise my kiddos as strangers in their own body. I had to act now!
My new beginning- I had to ease into this territory, I had never tread the waters of confidence and love for ones self. I decided that I was going to start a small belly dance troupe called Hasana Belly Dance (Hasana means beautiful in ), per my girls request. This troupe consisted of about 12 teenage girls from they ages of 12-18 (Hey I said I was easing into this and I wasn't ready for people my own age lol) I was determined to teach these girl to know and love their own beauty. I wanted these girls to be confident in who they are, love who they are and know themselves from every aspect. This troupe was built upon grace, love, respect and constant positivity.
Domino effect- We are back to another point in time where I found a domino effect. Positivity breeds positivity, love breeds love and grace breeds grace. These girls were such an example to me and so many around them. They brought smiles were smiles were needed and grace were grace was needed, they were a pillar of love. Little girls would often call them princesses or angels. They were my heaven sent angels. It was then that I found it........
Me- I felt myself peel, as if I was shedding every ounce of emotion that I had every felt. I saw these girl blossom and I then knew that I had found myself. I was a person who loved to bring a smile, I was the person who felt pure joy from feeling the others melt into happiness. I was the person who fed off of every beautiful ray of sunshine. I was beaming, I could feel my soul shine as if I had sunshine inside of me. I felt as if nothing could bring me down. I had found ME! I know me and it no longer feels strange.
Who are you?
What makes you, you?
Find your wonderful you and let it shine for all to feel.
Blessings Tabitha Reid